You have no reason to be picked up for driving drunk. You dont see rappers getting picked up for driving drunk. Because they dont drive themselves. Sure, they get shot outside of clubs while waiting for their ride, but you dont see any horrible mug shots of them on dui arrests. And let your driver carry your drugs youll always know where they are, and you wont have them on you when you fall out of your Town Car and flash your beav to tmz. And while were on the subject, for fucks sake, dont marry your driver.
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I have been very good. I have helped blind people across the street, put the seat down, given to charity, not drank directly from the carton, voted conscientiously, put on clean skivvies every day, recycled, held the elevator for strangers, paid my taxes, replaced my weights in the rack after. Not necessarily in that order. Ive been good thats all Im saying. I have fulfilled my part of the bargain. So heres some stuff I hope you can help with, since evidently you have vast supernatural connections. So, this Christmas, santa, could you please: 1) Immediately strike dumb and deaf any stupid motherfucker who thinks that by wanting to keep the troops from getting killed, i am not supporting the motherfucking troops. 2) make people aware, that even if they are on vacation, physical laws still apply. Water will still drown them, fire will still burn them, and cars can still run them over. This would save a essays lot of senseless suffering. 3) Please leave a notice for all Hollywood stars that if they can hire a full-time driver for less than they are paying their yoga instructor or their nutritionist.
I hope you are all well. Im assuming things are behind schedule for all of you in the toy shop, as you are no doubt building big-ass pontoons to float all of Santas Village on when the north Pole melts. For all of my fossil fuel burning co-humans, Id like to say, oops. Please dont take it personally that we have melted your home, we had to get some shit at the mall and taking the bus to work would be fine, but there are some other humans on there and they are unpleasant. So its not you. Although, if I were you, id rethink that whole, lump-o-coal in the stocking of the bad children strategy. Maybe a solar electric cell and a condom. Which brings me to why i am actually writing this letter, brief santa. You see, ive been good.
See what I have in write store for you and I'm sure you'll love. Would you like to share your knowledge about business letters? An Old Childs Letter to santa i turned fifty a couple of months ago, and this is my first letter to santa since i was five, so i have a long list: dear Santa: i know you havent heard from me in a while. I hardly ever write real, paper, letters any more, and besides, i didnt think it was really fair to write if I was only going to ask you for stuff. I mean, just out of courtesy, i should have written to ask after Mrs. So, you know, my bad. (But in my defense, someone who can fly a sleigh beyond the speed of light, and manipulate matter so he can get his big ass down multifarious chimneys, should probably have e-mail by now. So in the interest of courtesy: How are you? How are the elves?
How to Write an Effective thank you letter. Thank you letter - first of all, people should say thank you more often whether in business or on a more personal matters. In many business situations, a simple thank you note or letter can help improve. Letter of reminder - how to write a reminder letter. For a reminder letter, state the item you wish to remind the reader about and his/her expected action at the start of the letter. In the letter of reminder, provide. My products and Services, my e-book : The Essential guide to Writing Business Letters. This is my ebook. I have a very special offer for the readers.
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Before you write a letter of termination, talk to the employee. As a manager, you should be able to work out any problems. Business Proposals - how to Write a business Proposal cover Letter. When you are bidding for a project or sending a proposal, always send a cover letter along with. Unless of cause, you don't intend to win the project.
Find out the tips about and tricks from a business owner that writes and reviews proposals. Sales Letters - how to Increase sales by 400. Find out the basics of successful sales letters, what works and how I personally use this one simple trick to increases conversions by 400. How to Write a business Letter of Introduction. There are two parts to writing a letter of introduction, homework Introducing a person or company and Introducing a product, equipment or service. The following explains how to write both types of introduction letters.
This advice alone will help you write an effective letter. How to use The correct Business Letter Format. The way a letter looks immediately gives the reader their first impression even before they read. That is why it is important to use the correct business letter format. Find out what a professional letter format looks like here. My recommendations, my recommendations for the best Business Letter books, software and Templates.
These additional tools will help you write a great letter fast. Most Popular Pages, resume cover Letter - what every job seeker Ought to Know. This cover letter advice comes from my years of experience as a manager with 13 people reporting to me as well as my experience as an employee looking for a job. How to Write a resignation Letter. So you want to resign, to do it right, you should draft up a letter of resignation to your direct boss and have a meeting with him or her to give them the letter. Termination Letter - how to write a letter of Termination. At some point in your career, you will have to write a letter of termination.
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so i have tried to shmoop put in a bit of humor in some of my examples. Theres a letter. Evil, Al Capone, kermit (the frog) and more. Read on to find out how you too can write a good letter (and have a little fun too). Recommended Advice to help you write a better Letter. Writing Business Letter Essentials - tips That Will make you write good Letters Fast. This page covers 10 important and practical tips to keep in mind when writing your letter.
Read on and learn how. Most of us at work or business write e-mail or business correspondence but few of us can write an effective letter. In my previous life as a consultant with Deloitte consulting, then a project manager for dhl, and now as a business owner, i found that the average letter is impersonal, overly-formal, longwinded and difficult or tedious to read. When you write a letter you create an image of you and your company in your reader's mind. A good letter should be effortless reading that makes you want to read more. It should be clear and concise, with short sentences and simple words. It should keep to the facts and be easy to read and to understand. I understand that most business related materials are boring (zzz.
the conference on College composition and Communication and, most recently, the national council of teachers of English conference. Many bright people, perhaps you're one of them, go to great lengths to avoid writing business letters. Even when it means losing the business or customers. The threat of facing a blank page or a bare computer screen can be more powerful than the need to write a letter. Just the thought of getting started can strike absolute utter terror! "How should i open the letter?" "Just what information do i need to include?" "Am I communicating in the best tone for the situation and is my approach the most effective one?" "What closing will bring the action or reaction I want?" Sometimes the challenge. Well it's not that difficult. Want to know how to make it easier?
Six years ago i wouldnt be able to address you all the way i am now. Writing was the first step that gave me power and loyalty confidence. I believe it can help you too, no matter your situation. The grand finale was a series of readings from several letter-writing pairs, who generously shared their work with the audience. The letters were at times amusing, at other times poignant but-most importantly-honest, and made clear the connections that had been established between the two groups. Through their writing and conversation over dinner, students were able to ask questions, express their hopes and fears, gain valuable insights about college life, and recognize their potential for success. The letter exchange project was coordinated by Writing Program faculty robert Krut and Ilene miele with the assistance of rj frank avid instructors Kristin Storey, josie byrnes, and Claudia pantoja. Ucsb writing faculty Craig Cotich, Chris dean, jennifer Johnson, leslie hammer, Ilene miele, kathy patterson and Dan wuebben provided the ucsb letter writers. .
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On november 18, the fifth annual Writing Program Outreach Committees letter exchange project culminated in an on-campus event. . over 100 middle school students from rj frank joined ucsb students and faculty in Corwin pavilion for a celebration of writing. The letter exchange project pairs Advancement via individual Determination (avid) students from rj frank Intermediate School in Oxnard with current ucsb students. . Throughout the fall quarter, the avid students exchange letters with students in Academic Communities for Excellence (ACE) writing classes as part of a program designed improve writing skills, enlarge perceptions about what counts as writing, and encourage academic achievement. This year, the letter exchange began with a visit at rj frank by ucsb writing faculty jennifer Johnson and Nicole warwick, who guided the middle school students through the writing process, welcoming them review to the project. The dinner event was both a celebration of writing and an opportunity for students and faculty to meet and to learn from one another. The event featured a number of speakers including Writing Program Director Linda Adler-Kassner and ucsb student diana torres-luevanos. In a passionate speech about the power of writing, she explained: Writing is important to me because it allowed me to find my voice.